Where's Margie's Money?



Holy Crap I’m 39 weeks & Wedding Shower Planning

I’m 39 weeks today!  Next Monday, August 8 is my due date. 

Last night DH and I looked at each other in amazement, we can’t believe we are actually at this point!  I remember breaking the news to him back in November.  I had a card “from the baby” that I gave to him along with some baby flip-flops and rash guard (DH is a total beach bum surfer dude).  In the note it said “see you in August!”  At that time, August seemed so very far away.  And now, it’s here!! 

The nursery is 100 percent done.  We even video taped a cheesy baby’s room tour and e-mailed it to friends and family who live out of town.  I’d love to say I was brave enough to post it here but I swear, the camera adds – in this case – at least 40 pounds.  Woah – I hadn’t seen myself on camera in a while.  My stomach is ENORMOUS!!

We moved furniture around in our tiny bedroom and set up the bassinet and changing station.  It’s surreal to see it set up and ready to go!  I packed my hospital overnight bag and DH packed his.  I picked out three “bringing home baby” outfits because I couldn’t decide – her clothes are all so darn cute and tiny.

And here I am, sitting at my desk on the last day I’ll be in the office in 12 weeks.  That’s so exciting and scary at the same time. 

One of the things I’m going to focus on later this week – if baby’s schedule allows – is working on invitations to the wedding shower that I’m co-hosting with the bride’s mom and aunt in October.  But . . . I’m having mixed feelings about this shower and I’ll tell you why.  C, the bride, has decided not to register at any of the typical houseware stores because she and E have been living together for about 3 years.  They have already bought (on credit for sure!) a ton of stuff.  Their pad is totally decked out with the latest and greatest of everything.  That’s why she e-mailed me yesterday the list of gift cards she would like to receive and wants me to list the stores in the invitation! I was blown away by her selection:

Ann Taylor, DSW, Victoria’s Secret, Banana Republic, and Old Navy

Um, are we showering the bride with gifts that will benefit her marriage and her household or is this an opportunity for her to get a new wardrobe? I don’t even see E represented in any of these stores (except maybe Old Navy . . .and I guess he’d benefit from whatever she got at Victoria’s Secret).  I guess when she said gift cards to me the first time I thought it was a little tacky but was expecting places like Target, Home Depot, etc. . .  stores where you know that if you give a gift card they’ll be able to get something to improve or buy things for the household. 

Blech.  I’m just so turned off by this!  And I get it—I TOTALLY get it—that some people already have built their nest.  This was also the case with DH and I.  Since we got married at a later age (me 30, him 38) we didn’t really need stuff like new towels, a toaster oven or placemats. That’s why I declined having a shower and for my wedding didn’t ask for any gifts – I actually registered with a non-profit registry and selected four charities that meant something to DH and I.  We suggested that if people felt very strongly about honoring our marriage with a gift, we hoped they would consider donating to one of the causes on our behalf.  Some people were stubborn and brought gifts anyway – which was fine and very thoughtful (I received some lovely china and servingware which I haven’t used yet but I’m sure will come in handy one day)- but the majority of folks honored our wishes and everyone felt really great about it.

As for the wedding, they are doing a honeymoon registry.  I have mixed feelings about this as well.  One one hand, it’s great – I love that you can give them an experience, like dinner out or a zip line tour, that they’ll (hopefully) remember for ever.  But since I know them pretty well and have had a few heart-to-hearts with C about their finances, I also feel like we as guests are being asked to finance a trip they can’t afford.

Blegh.  I’m just so turned off by it all! 

But I’m going to suck it up and do it anyway because I just don’t feel like it’s worth straining our relationship/friendship over.  She’s definitely set on the idea and thinks it’s brilliant.  I guess I’m just disappointed that I’m seeing this side of her and I don’t like it.  I hate it when that happens.

What do you think?  Giftcards as wedding shower gifts – acceptable?  Registering for honeymoon experiences – good or bad idea?  I’d love to know if I’m totally off-based and old-fashioned or if you would find it distasteful to open an invite and see her requests.

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Comments

  1. People found out we were getting less than 2 weeks before the date, so we kindly requested gift cards to places like Target since we weren’t living together and didn’t even own a couch. In fact, our wedding invitation was an email. Talk about tacky, huh? I think most people thought it was cute. We literally decided to get married in 3 weeks.
    I don’t think it’s tacky to request what people want, since that’s essentially what a registry is for, right? HOWEVER, requesting gift cards for these particular stores??? I just don’t know what to think. I like the honeymoon registry idea better since that makes better sense, but yeah…I see where you’re coming from

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago
  2. * MommaStar says:

    WOW you are almost there! I wish sometimes I would have made it that far with all my pregnancies. The furthest I went was 38 weeks and I know it sounds weird but I wanted to be pregnant for longer then that. I really do love being pregnant 🙂 Can’t wait to see baby!

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago
    • I totally get it! I really enjoy being pregnant and I’m a little sad that it’s coming to a close. I can’t WAIT to meet the baby but time is going to fly so fast, I don’t want to wish any of it away!

      | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago
  3. * Lane says:

    Why the wedding shower in the first place? I thought custom is usually just the wedding & reception on one day — equates to just one gift from their wedding registry (and I also give cash). So sorry if this question comes off rude; it’s more that I may not understand the proper wedding protocols.

    In any case, the gift cards from specific (women) stores does seem a bit tacky — imagine what the guests will think when they open up that invitation. But her wedding, her rules, I suppose.

    The honeymoon registry sounds great, if it’s activities like ziplining or scuba diving — so long as the newlyweds are paying their own flight and hotel. Then it wouldn’t seem too much like the guests are financing a honeymoon that the couple couldn’t afford.

    I love that your registry were non-profits orgs.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago
    • I agree, Lane! I think that in this case the wedding shower isn’t necessary because the purpose of a shower is to literally, shower the bride with gifts and good will so that she can set up her home. It’s traditionally thrown by a close friend and is a women-only event . . . although a lot of couples are starting to throw co-ed showers in which both men and women are invited.

      The registry does include things like dinner, a sunset cruise, and a helicopter tour . . . AND it includes air and hotel as well. :-/

      | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago
  4. * Kez says:

    If I had a bridal shower I wouldn’t expect gifts. I had a hens day and the focus was more on socialising and playing games. I didn’t want people to fork out more money than they already were!! Weddings are expensive for the bridal party AND the guests!
    I think that the bride’s shower requests are tacky. It would be classier to not ask for gifts or to pick a charity.
    I think that a honeymoon registry for the wedding itself is a good thing. At our wedding we had a wishing well. People were told that it was for our honeymoon experience (it would be my first trip overseas and we had paid off all the flights and accommodation) and that it was up to them if they wanted to contribute. I guess some people feel funny about that, but we had a home set up with everything we needed – what we hadn’t done was go overseas with each other and relaxed on a proper holiday!
    We were able to do everything we dreamed of on our honeymoon instead of just being able to pick a few activities. It was an experience I will never forget and the best time I’ve ever had on a holiday in my whole life. I am very grateful that our guests contributed to that.

    Oh and on another note – reading your first couple of paragraphs – I am SO excited for you! I can’t imagine what that feels like, knowing everything’s gonna be happening in no time! YAY! I love being pregnant too, but I think my rash has coloured my experience a little – I don’t know that I’ll grieve TOO hard for that time back once the baby comes (famous last words) 🙂

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago
    • I can understand why your rash would make you want to fast forward through the pregnancy! I’ve had some really awful/painful swelling in my hands and I can’t WAIT to be back to normal.

      Sigh. I think of come full circle on the shower with the bride. I decided not to let myself be annoyed by it and joyfully assist her as I promised even if I don’t agree with some of her choices.

      | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago
  5. * CityFlips says:

    Wow. I think the gift card thing is pretty tacky myself, but agree that it’s probably not worth straining the relationship. Let the guests decide what to do. I’m not a huge fan of registries in general. I hope that when I get married my friends know me well enough to pick something fun and also know that I don’t expect anything! I like the idea of the honeymoon registry way better than registering for kitchen towels and cookie cutters.

    I hope the last leg of your pregnancy goes well!

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago


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